"Enough"

I'm a list-maker. I write lists of lists. A few times, I've even written down on my "to-do" list to remember to make a list of the things I need to list for the store. Yeah. Exactly. Hi, my name is Kristin and I'm anal.

Moving on though- I love being able to check off boxes as I go. There's a pretty nifty but simple app I use on my iPhone called TeuxDeux- LOVE it. (Another confession: I like to put things on my list that I've already done, just so I can have the gratification of crossing it off as soon as I jot it down. Some might call that cheating. I call it incentive).

But here's the problem with living by the list: I became so quick to label my day "good" or "bad" depending on how much of my to-do list got accomplished. I used to have it in my head that every. single. thing. needed to be crossed off of that list and if not, I bought into the notion that I had somehow failed. After Ella was born, I quickly realized I needed to re-visit that idea, otherwise I was looking at many days of "fails" by my ultra-unrealistic standards. Then, Milo was born and I re-defined my expectations yet again. Oh, I still write things down, but it's different now. Instead of lists, it's more, "don't forget the milk." Or, "you walked into this room to get your coffee" or "don't forget to shave."

So I've been operating under a new mantra lately and that is, "Let today be enough." I've even started writing it down on the top of all of my lists because I need to read it and be reminded that today, this precise moment, truly is enough. If it's not, then I'm simply trying to do too much. It doesn't make me happy to admit this, but my greed often extends further beyond just my resources. It encompasses my expectations of myself- and others- always wanting more time, more opportunities, more efficiency. But when I lay my exhausted head down on my pillow each night, I realize that my greedy standards haven't served any greater purpose than to wear me out or make me feel guilty because I'm not, in fact, super-mom/super-wife. And it's quite likely that I've missed out on more important things because I've had such tunnel-vision.

If I'm guided by the premise that I've always been given enough- because I truly have, in every imaginable circumstance- then I can trust that "today is enough" and that tomorrow will be enough as well. I will somehow be given the grace, the time, the patience {exhausted sigh accompanying that one}, the breathing space, the cuddles, the sense of humor {Lord PLEASE}, the caffeine....and on and on- to arrive at the end of the day thankful, instead of dissatisfied.