You Say Placenta, I Say "No Thank You."

I don't remember a lot about the first few minutes right after both Milo and Ella were born other than lying on the cold OR table shaking and trying not to throw up. But oddly enough, I do remember that my OB asked if I wanted to see the placenta.

Dude, did you not just hear me ask the anesthesiologist for more Zofran? Pretty sure I don't want to look at some slab of pulsating blood and tissue. But thanks for the offer, weirdo.

The thing is, it's probably not weird to some. The mere fact that he even asked must have meant that it wasn't such an outrageous request in his line of business. On the other end of the spectrum, I am of the "just show me the baby when he/she gets here" school. No, I don't want mirrors. No, I don't want to peek over the curtain as you slice open my abdominal wall. And I certainly don't want to see my placenta. I might get flamed for saying this, but I honestly thought I would view the birthing process differently after I had my own spawn. Bringing new life into the world in and of itself is a beautiful miracle. But witnessing the actual act of birth is not so much. There was fluid and poop and blood everywhere. The stench of rust and iron and other odors that I didn't want to try to identify was overpowering. If I weren't paralyzed from the waist down, I would have bolted out the door.

That's just me. I can't speak for the majority.

On the other hand, if you're an artist that is blessed with a strong stomach and a fascination for internal organs, I have GREAT news. You can now hand-stitch a placenta teddy bear for someone you love. Because who doesn't want to snuggle with crusty organ remnants? Watch out Build-A-Bear- there's some competition lurking.

I got intrigued about what other things people like to do with their after-births. I'm kinda sorry I started looking, but now it's too late and I don't want to be the only one sitting here with my mouth gaping open. So while I'm told that the teddy bear would make a great stocking stuffer, if it's not your bag, here are a few other options:

Make placenta art!!



Get a placenta facial!!



Plant a placenta tree!!





Want a late-night snack? Now you don't have to go to Wendy's to "eat great, even late." (Some people really swear by this as a mood regulator).




(I just threw up a little in my mouth).


The options are truly endless. Don't be afraid to experiment. Me? I'd just prefer to play with the actual children that were nourished by it. But you know, to each their own. ;-)