The Push Gift

    

 ...or for some, the "caesarian" gift.  ("Not only do you get a baby, you get 10 huge staples in your abdomen- WAY TO GO!")   I believe this to have evolved fairly recently.  I'm sure husbands have been doing this for their wives for years, but recently it has become the trendy thing.  Walk into a jewelry store and tell the clerk you're looking for a push gift for your wife, and they'll know exactly what you're referring to.  I have had a few friends, who after bringing babies into the world, received nice gifts from their husbands but I just thought it was happenstance.  One got a new Kate Spade diaper bag. Another was given diamond earrings. Basically, it's the new daddy's way of showing his bloated, exhausted, episiotomy-hating wife his love, appreciation (and perhaps gruesome amazement) for the miraculous thing her body has just done.

         It all seemed a little much to me when I first heard about it.  Honestly, a takeout order from my favorite Italian Restaurant sounds equally fabulous after hours of only ice chips and hard labor.  A margarita?  Yes please- that would be even better.  But maybe I'll re-evaluate this "push" gift idea when I'm too huge to sleep,  regurgitating half of my meals, sporting cankles and can't wear my wedding ring due to hellacious water retention.   If not then, surely I will rethink it as a bulbous head makes it's way through my unforgiving birth canal.  I mean, who in their right minds would turn their nose up at a David Yurman bracelet or a savvy diaper bag?  Not I.  

And okay, before I make it sounds as though I expect something, let me be clear.  The obvious "push" gift at the end is a beautiful, healthy screaming baby with all ten fingers and toes.  Women don't decide to get knocked up so they can finally get that Tagheur tennis bracelet they've been eyeing because let's face it: there are plenty of other shorter and undeniably less painful ways of acquiring one of those.  After all is said and done and baby is actually in my arms, I'll be too in love to care about anything else (except making sure I get something other than hospital food).  I certainly would never want a gift- for any occasion- if it were out of obligation.

So do I think it's a little extreme?  Yes.  But do I think pushing a watermelon out of my woot is extreme as well?  Damn right.  But that, I realize, does not give me entitlement.  Just an incredibly sore va-jay jay. ;)