Worth Repeating to Myself (and other ramblings from the previous year)

I have stood on the edge of Unknown,
And peered timidly over
I have held on too tightly and let go too soon,
I have jumped without looking,
Fallen without caring,
Been caught without question.

I have been there, done that, regretted
Then wished I could do it again
I have stood hours in line to wait my turn
Then backed out at the last possible second
I have lost battles
Stolen moments
Remembered promises
Forgotten hurts.

I have fought demons
Removed bandages
Punctured old wounds
Needed a tourniquet
Wanted drugs.
I have gotten drunk off bitterness
After just one sip
Then tasted the joy of sweet release
I have found approval
Too many times
Hanging on a sale rack
I have paid too much for a pair of shoes
And sold my soul for cheap.


I have made friends
and created new traditions
I have burned bridges,
Trashed memories
Run without looking back
I have laughed 'til it hurt
Cried 'til it was numb
Pretended it didn't matter.
I have shared secrets
And hoarded truth.
I have f***ed up.
Over
and over.
I have come to the end of myself
to find the beginning of grace.


But most of all,
I have loved
And I have been loved.