1. I'm a round, walking mass of hormones (might as well start with the obvious). I think I can best describe it as OCD meets Alanis Moriestte meets a Lifetime tear-jerker marathon. Believe it or not, I can move fluidly between all three scenarios in a matter of 4.2 seconds. Just ask my husband. I'm convinced that if I could step out of my own skin (which I would gladly do at this point), I would be both highly amused and completely wigged out by the metamorphosis.
2. I married a very good, good man. There is just no other way to say it. I think sometimes he might be scared of me (see #1) in this very pregnant state that I'm in. When he wraps his arms around me, his hands now barely clasp behind my back, but those wordless hugs do something to restore my soul that nothing else can. (I love you babe. ;) ).
3. There is no limit to God's grace.
4. There is, however, a limit to mine. Some days, I feel like I reach it about 26 times an hour and it's at those times I remind myself of #3.
5. I can eat chicken enchiladas at 10 pm and go to bed without even a hint of heartburn, but a handful of Craisins will inevitably bring me to my knees begging to the god of Zantac for relief. Riddle me that.
6. I have no problem admitting that I'm scared of what life with two under two will resemble. I'm also not ashamed to admit that the reason we decided to have two children is plain and simple: we do not want three.
7. Of the 45 lbs I've gained so far this pregnancy, I'm approximating 30 lbs of it to be semi-sweet chocolate chips and cherry limeades from Sonic (and the plethora of Arby's roast beef sandwiches I survived on during the first trimester).
8. I am loved. Absolutely, positively and unconditionally. But understanding and embracing this took far more than the years I spent sitting in church, nodding my head in quiet agreement whenever John 3:16 popped up on a projector screen. I've heard this all my life but in truth, those words never stopped me from continuing to try to earn something that was already mine, or to try to be something that I wasn't. There are still plenty of days that I struggle to accept that I am good enough- that I am just enough. Especially on days that I lose my patience with Ella and raise my voice at her, when my "fat" jeans are the only pair that fit, when I find it easier to run the other way than press in and press on. But at the end of those days remain the things that anchor me- my family, my friends. A little bit of breathing space. Rest (albeit very little). A relentless hope that no matter how "bad" the day was, I get a clean slate the next day. Good, good things.
9. Yoga pants are the little black dresses of pregnancy. You simply can't have too many. (Yes, I'm still trying to figure out a way to rock them with a pair of stilettos).
10. I will lose the weight. (I often say this in a sort of repetitive chant to myself when I happen to catch a glimpse of my naked body in a mirror). And for the record, I'm well aware of the many wonderful benefits of breastmilk, but I have to say that my intentions to do it again are quite possibly more selfish than selfless. You better believe I'm counting on that extra 600 calorie/day metabolism. So bring on the lanolin, cracked nipples and engorgement. No pain, no gain. (Or loss, in this case).
11. My daughter is going to make a fabulous big sister. She already possesses a very "take-charge" attitude- great for bossing around little brothers- and it's also become increasingly clear that she doesn't take crap from anyone. One high pitched squeal and she goes right for the hair. (Seriously, where did she learn this?) Yes, it appears our little girl is more of a fighter than a lover at the moment, but we're told it's just a phase. In the meantime, I'm comforted to know that her strong-willed spirit will never render her a doormat for someone else to walk on, and if my suspicions are correct, she will be all too willing to stick up for her little brother. Attitude and spunk aside, she's an incredibly loving and affectionate little Bug and I'm excited to watch her make the transformation into "Big Sister."
30 days... (although this is one thing I don't know for sure. Maybe less?? Please?) ;-)
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