You Might Be in the Two Week Wait If...

Almost all women have been there at one point in time or the other. Some have been there more times than they'd like, and it's an all too familiar, torturous place. In many cases, it's planned and meticulously calculated. Other times, a woman realizes her math skills were a bit off or perhaps there was an, ahem, "malfunction" and boom, there she is again. Then, of course there are those lucky few who seem to bypass it altogether when, one day, they're sitting on the couch or at their desk and suddenly they think, "hey...wait a minute...wasn't my period supposed to start a week ago?" A trip to the bathroom confirms their suspicions, and lo and behold, they've blown through the 2WW without any symptom obsessing. How nice is that?


But no matter the circumstance that got you into the two week wait (other than the very obvious one), one thing can be certain after you get there: you will obsess over your body and every little symptom. And if you thought your body was mysterious before trying to conceive, you ain't seen nothin' yet. So, for a bit of levity, because I know several women who may in fact, be hanging out in this purgatory for the next little bit (no, not me, I promise).... a list:


You Might Be In the Two Week Wait If....


1. Upon discovering a new symptom, you immediately google it to see how many other women have experienced it too.



2. You might, however, be embarrassed for anyone to see what it was you just googled. Lucky for you, they probably can't understand forum-speak. Ex: BBT spike w/POS OPK on CD 21 but EWCM on DPO 4. WTF??



3. If you've been charting to conceive, you may find yourself playing with your chart, making it look all nice and triphasic. And then, ultimately, you go back and delete all of the temperatures and put in the ones you really have. And it's not nearly as pretty.



4. You continue to obsess over possible symptoms and get excited about the fact that your boobs are beginning to hurt. You periodically check to make sure that they still hurt by pressing on them when no one is looking. If you're out in public and fear being viewed as a perv, you simply pretend to get a chill and hug your forearms across your chest. (You're welcome).



5. Every bathroom trip requires a 5 minute exhaustive inspection of the toilet paper. I'll leave it at that.



6. Upon feeling a wave of nausea, your first instinct is to think, "YESSSSSSS!!!!" And then you find yourself praying that maybe you might dry heave a couple of times when you brush your teeth, just for good measure.



7. Everywhere you go, you see baby bumps. Bumps in Target, bumps in the ladies restroom, bumps waddling down the street in your neighborhood. You swear, you've never seen this many of them when you weren't waiting to find out if you were going to have one of your own.



8. Out of habit, you accidentally refer to your husband as "DH," and your period as "AF" when talking to the nurse on the phone.




9. You have a collection of pregnancy tests under your bathroom sink: IC's to dip when the urge strikes, FRER's for backing up the IC's, and digitals (aka "the big guns") for backing up the FRER's. But rest assured, your husband will not believe you're actually pregnant until he sees the one with it spelled out nice and pretty. Don't even bother asking him to look at lines.



10. Yes, you're only 5 dpo, but that's not too early to get a line on a test. Right? I mean, it could happen....right?







So, if you found yourself thinking "OMG, I've done that" while reading at least half of the above, congratulations. You're not weird and you're not alone. You just might be slightly obsessed. And we (as women) get it. No need to feel bad. We all just want our bodies to stop messing with us and give it to us straight.


So whatever answer it is you're waiting for, I hope you get the one you want in a few (very long and drawn out) days. ;-)