Stealing Christmas

I have to admit, I thought that I was above being scammed. I hated to hear stories of the elderly or disabled having money taken right out of their pockets but even so, I usually assumed it was a due to an unfortunate combination of "assholery" (it's my new word) on the part of the scammer and naivete on the part of the victim.

A Macbook Pro was supposed to arrive at our house yesterday at 1 pm. But it didn't. It never will, actually. And only after we did more extensive research did we realize- too little, too late- that we had been scammed. Awesome. All of the credentials had checked out. We had gone to all the various (and completely legitimate) sites and google-searched names. Nothing looked remotely suspicious. Jake wired the money through western union to a third party parcel service that told us they would then send us the laptop once they received the money. When the confirmation email didn't come yesterday morning, Jake got a bad feeling- a feeling he said he had the day before as well, but had just chalked up to a case of "buyer's remorse." Something just wasn't adding up right, but we both wanted to believe that this person was good on their word. {Hey! *looks up* someone wrote the word "gullible" in the sky!. . .} (sigh)

First, there's that horrible, sinking feeling when you realize someone made a fool out of you. Then a split second after that, a burning desire to get even, followed at last by the realization that doing so would only be stooping to their level. Of course, we reported it, but have zero expectations that this person will be caught. What's done is done. So, it seemed like a good alternative to instead, kick ourselves over and over again. Thankfully, we were able to absorb the loss, but there were other people that had been scammed by this person. Would any of them have to tell their kids that there would be no Christmas presents this year because they lost their money to some asshole without a conscience? I struggled with whether or not to accept that the unfortunate message this season is one that claims people simply can't be trusted, or that people aren't good. Who wants to walk around with that chip on their shoulder during Christmas?

This, unfortunately, has been just another thing to add to a list of some other rather disappointing events this week. No- Jake and I were not enrolled in the jelly of the month club, but let's just say that there were certain things that I had built up in my mind, counted too much on, maybe hoped a little too hard for. (Who, me?!?) Of course, I'm not saying that hope doesn't have a place and purpose in our every day lives because it absolutely does. But I often find it's a tough balancing act for me to maintain a sense of hope without a posture of entitlement. I want to think that the things I hope for should come about-and particularly, the way that I want them to- because of x, y, and z.

But life just doesn't work that way. Here I am, 29 years old, and apparently still scamming myself into believing that life should go the way I want it to based on a cause-effect equation. Sure, some things do work out that way. But many things don't. Technically, Jake and I should have gotten our laptop because we gave that person our money, but we didn't.

By the end of this week, the question gradually evolved from "why did this happen?" to "why did it affect me like this?" Of course, the first question was much easier to answer because I could direct my frustration to other people and other circumstances. It was their problem, not mine. But the second question was much more difficult to answer because it had everything to do with me and the simple fact that I've been putting too much of my hope in the wrong kinds of things- into life events, things, money, even into my relationships. In the end, not one of those things can withstand the pressure that I put onto them to be my happiness, joy, or quick-fix. So if, at the end of a week filled with certain disappointments, I'm still sulking and seething over what should have been, well then, I've lost more than just money. I've lost my sense of joy and contentment. And that was something that I handed over willingly- like I believed I didn't have a choice.

But I did.

So maybe this is another lesson in the "nothing in life is guaranteed" category. I often say this like I truly believe it, but too many times, I find myself in situations that causes me to act the complete opposite. So today, as I type on my "old" laptop, I'm grateful that the things in my life that have fallen through were just things. We have our health, we have each other, and we have infinitely more than we deserve to have- and for that, I'm incredibly grateful.