"How To Get Help When Your Car Breaks Down"

My car broke down in a downtown 7-11 parking lot today.  (Oh thank Heaven, my @$$).   The rest of the day was spent dodging tornadoes (and I mean that very literally). Really, it was an eventful day...

Anyway, the following is a nifty list I've entitled--

"How to Get Help When Your Car Breaks Down,"  (K-dub style):

1.  Wear a skirt and platform wedges.  This is a must.  No cargo pants, and absolutely NO denim over-alls.

2.  Turn the key in the ignition no less than 3 times after the initial failure to start.  And then again one more time, just for good measure.  Check facebook on your phone and wait 5 minutes.  Turn the key again.  DAMNIT.

3.  Kick yourself with said platform wedges that you didn't listen to your dad/husband/driver's ed teacher when they talked to you about what to do when your car breaks down.  

4.  Get out of the car and nonchalantly look at the hood of your car.  (Is that a dent?  Hmmmm....) Do not, under ANY circumstances, let anyone know that your car has broken down until you figure out a way to let someone know your car has broken down.  Call your husband/significant other/BFF.  When they ask whether or not you've asked someone for a jump, you momentarily wonder what on earth aerobics have to do with starting your car.

5.  Face facts and realize it's time to get down to the nitty-gritty.  Make sure to be meticulous when popping the hood of the car and placing the hood holder-upper stick-thing in the correct hole.  These things take time, you know.  Wouldn't want to break a nail.  Also, it's noon on a 90 degree summer day.  The hood will be hot.  Duh.

6.  Stare under the hood of car and randomly start messing with plugs and coils as if you've done this at least a dozen times.  Silently curse auto-maker for not putting labels on all of the car parts.  In the very least, it should be color coded.  GEEZ.

7.   Walk into 7-11 and ask employee (who looks slightly stoned) for a jump.   (This is, quite obviously, the biggest pain in their ass today). 

8.   Stoner/7-11 employee asks you to go ahead and hook up the two cable ends to your battery.  If you're unsure which end goes on which, go with the "eenie meenie miney mo" method.  Works like a charm.  Then, stand there awkwardly while he revs the engine and blares reggae out of his speakers.

9.   At long last, when a random lawn-care service man (who doesn't have blood-shot eyes) pulls up and asks if you need help, stutter slightly and smooth your hair.  Nothing wrong with playing the damsel in distress.   When, after multiple attempts to start your car, he tells you it sounds like "the starter," nod your head in agreement and say, "yeah,  That's pretty much what I thought it was."

10.  While waiting for the tow truck, indulge yourself in a slurpee and a taquito, guilt free.  You've earned it.

 

Oh Crap, the Three's

As Ella's third birthday approached, I actually started to feel myself breathe easier.  We're still not potty trained (not even close) but we seemed to weather the two's with only minor battle wounds to show for it.   On the one hand, a part of me was nostalgic because really, there's just no way to justify a three year old as a toddler anymore (she really hasn't been for awhile).  Now, she's right smack in the middle of her preschool years, precocious as ever, and losing more of her baby chub every day.  Ack!  How did this happen?  WHEN did this happen??  (I think I want another baby).



On the other hand, I started congratulating myself on making it through her two's.  Jake and I high-fived each other with looks of satisfaction.  "We did it!  Yaaaaaay!"


And then I started getting comments on facebook about her impending birthday:


"Good luck with that!"
"Ugh, the THREE'S."
"My children were way worse at 3 then they were at 2." 
"Just when we thought the worst was over, he turned 3." 


 Someone even skipped a year ahead to give me advanced warning of the "F*** You Fours."


I died a little inside with every comment.


It's not that I thought Jake and I could dust our hands off and be officially DONE with the hardest part of child-rearing (um, I'm terrified of her teenage years), but I was hoping for at least a little reprieve.  Besides, all I had ever been warned about were the "Terrible Two's."  What is this with the three's now?   Lord knows you don't really get anything for making it out of the two's alive- no medal, no long weekend getaway sans kids, not even a shout-out.   In the very least, we had hoped to graduate with at least a partially potty-trained kid who "slept in" past seven.  No such luck.  


I scoffed and thought, "well, maybe that happens to OTHER kids.  Her two's were pretty tumultuous though, so I'm gonna say we've been through the worst..."


And here we are.  Three years and two weeks old, and as much as I wanted to say otherwise, it's like someone flipped a switch permanently to sassy mode.  Heaven help me.  There seems to be a new level of resistance to the things I ask her to do, marked simply by the fact that she's that much more articulate and conniving.  As if that isn't enough, she's started waking up multiple times a night for reasons like, "my curtain rod is scary," or "there's a penguin in my closet" or my most recent personal favorite, "I'm afraid I'm going to grow a peanut like Mi-yo."


Really, kid?


And so I find myself battling newborn-like sleep deprivation, only this time, having to maintain a conversation with my NOT newborn--at 2:20 in the morning-- about why it's just physically not possible for her to grow a penis.  (That's my girl.  If ever there was a good reason to lose sleep, she'll come up with it).  I stumble back into the room and wonder how it is that my one year old is sleeping better than my three year old.

 Jake: "What was it this time?"  
Me: "Apparently, she's scared of penises."  
Jake: "GOOD."


If I don't laugh, I'll cry.  But sometimes even laughing just takes too much darn energy.  In the meantime, I tell myself not to be scared about the three's (not much I can do about it now anyway). That maybe, just like everything else, it's a day by day thing.  Some days will need to be conquered with extra strong coffee, or chocolate, or wine, or maybe screaming into a pillow (me, not her).  And other days will find me in stitches over her spunky attitude, or simply marveling at the fun little girl she's becoming.  


I think there will be more of the latter.

Ella-Bug Turns THREE! (And Answers 20 Questions)

Thanks to Pinterest, I have a ton of great ideas, none of which are my own.   I wish I could claim this next one as my own too, but when I found it via another mommy blog, I knew I had to do it this year with Ella.  I've come up with twenty questions to be answered by her on the eve of her 3rd birthday and hope to continue the tradition for as long as she doesn't think it's lame.  (So, maybe another 5 to 7 years?)   We'll see.

So here they are, straight from the Bug's mouth:



1.  What do you want to be when you grow up?  Why?


A doctor.  But I don't wanna see butts.




(I can't say that I blame her).



2.  What is your favorite thing to say?


"POOP!"



3.  What do you like to eat for dinner?  


Noodles and butter.




4.  What's your favorite thing to do at school with your friends?


Play with Gloria and Bryc-ee and do crafts.





5.  What's your favorite toy right now?


Mi-yo bean.




6.  What's your favorite book?  


The boy throws the kite in the tree and the ladder and then he can't get them down and he tries really hard.  


**She's referring to the book "Stuck."  Thank you Williams fam-  Ella has read that book twenty times already!** :)




7.   What would happen if all the chocolate in the world disappeared?


The whole world would be sad and then no one would be happy anymore.

(How right she is...)





8.    What would you do if Milo took your favorite toy?


I'd tell him, "Miyo, you woudn't like it if Ella took YOUR toy..."

(Nice try, kid.  I'm no fool.  You conveniently left out the part where you would smack him into next Tuesday).



9.    What's your favorite thing about Daddy?


Hugging him.




10.  What's your favorite thing about Mommy?


Playing with you.  I like tickling on the floor.




11.  If you could be an animal, what animal would you be?  


A giraffe!  


Why?


Because they like to eat.




12.  Why do you like to wake up so very, very early?


Because it's fun.  It's fun going into mommy's room.


(Fun for WHO...???)



13.  What do you think about when you fall asleep at night?


How I can get food in the night.

(Well hello there, instant pang of mom-guilt.  Is my kid going to bed hungry??  Probably so, since she refuses to eat 80% of what I put in front of her...)



14.   What is your favorite thing to do with Milo?


I yell him to STOP!!! when he cries too much.








15.   What makes you laugh?


The part in "snoopy" when his hair gets big and he sees the big pumpkin.  


(How random is her brain?  One of her favorite scenes from "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown)."





16.  What makes you cry?


Sometimes Ella gets a little 'frust--ated'...*long pause*  I don't like it when it rains.






17.  What's your favorite song to sing in Mommy's car?


Old McDonald Had a Farm.


(For the record, not ONCE have we ever sung this song in my car.  But hey, it's her world).





18.   What's your favorite show on TV right now?


Little Einsteins!  "Climb 'aborn'...get ready to explore..."






19.   What is your favorite color?


Red, orange, and green!  Lanterns!




20.  What color is happy?


Yellow!  What's YOUR favorite color, Mommy?












Oh my spunky, sweet, Ella-bug....I love seeing the world through your eyes.  Thank you for picking me to be your mommy.  I love you to the moon and back again....