So this is a picture of a baby at 40 weeks gestation, or more simply, what Junebug and I look like right now (except my boobs may not be *quite* that perky). A few things come to mind as I scan this picture. Never mind the fact that until now, I had no idea that I even have something called a "pelvic colon," but apparently there exists such a thing. And take a look at the poor bladder. No wonder I'm up 4 times during the night to pee. What's even more disappointing is the "amount" of pee that comes out- I sit down and wait for the deluge, only to have a few droplets echo in the toilet. So very disappointing but now I see why. Perhaps the most disturbing thing to me is the massive size of the head, especially when compared to the ittybitty-ness of the cervix and vaginal canal. And while we're on the topic of the word "canal," I'd like to say how misleading I find it for doctors and medical personnel to refer to this incredibly narrow passageway as a "canal." I mean, come on people. When I hear the word canal, I think of a large body of water capable of allowing barges and ships to pass through unaffected. THAT is a canal. What's pictured above is about the diameter of a McDonald's plastic straw. I understand that psychologically, it's probably not a good idea to envision this part of my body as plastic and unmoving....but for all intents and purposes, it's a TUBE, not a "canal." A tube that will remarkably allow a 13+ centimeter head to come through. *And this would be exactly why I'm getting an epidural, thank you.*
So here I sit, 2 days shy of the due date (which I know is nothing more than an educated "guess date") nevertheless, I have the overwhelming feeling that my turkey timer is done and this kid is well cooked. Right now, this little Bug is doing nothing more than taking up space, head-butting my cervix and bladder, and adding on weight that will inevitably make it harder for me to push out. I wait for a sign- any sign- that labor is about to start. Was that a cramp? Could that be a contraction? Was that gush of fluid leftover pee or amniotic fluid? I swear, I never thought I would get excited over feeling period cramps. I have never run to the bathroom to check my underwear with such enthusiasm for remnants of a mucus plug. (I'm now beginning to think that I have a phantom one). And this is the only time in my life I can honestly say I would love to feel warm fluid run down my legs because it would mean my water has broken and could care less if it happens in public where people assume I've peed myself. (Although maybe I would get off easy and my belly would be a clue that I haven't simply lost all bladder control). The whole time I'm waiting to feel pain, I'm very much aware that I have absolutely *no* clue what I'm in for. This is supposedly the worst pain I'll ever experience in my life. But it's also something my body knows how to do and is equipped to do, so I'm allowing myself to focus on that instead. As my doctor has said, it's pain with a purpose. This is not the same scenario as lying in bed for a week with the flu, feeling close to death and almost wishing it upon yourself, only to recover and then say "hey, I had the flu last week."
I get to hold a baby- our baby- at the end of all of this. And that's the best reason ever to feel pain. :-)
